Dating involves meeting countless people in a desperate attempt to meet the love of your life. Finding love is never easy, but these first-date disaster stories will make you wonder how it can be that difficult. And while sometimes it can feel hopeless, it can also be a very comical experience. Whether you are looking for love or want to live vicariously through these people with their funny stories, this list of Jimmy Fallon's hilarious first date fails will leave you feeling grateful your own dating life doesn't look like this.
The Most Painful First Kiss Ever
Ahh, there is no end to the amount of awkward first dates that can occur. You may have a wonderful first date, and everything seems to be going fine until the moment that you say goodbye. That is the moment of truth. Do you hug and wave, or do you go in for the kiss? This man went in for the kiss, and things went quite wrong. He ended up elbowing his date in the face.
The woman seemed to be pretty understanding about this awkward turn of events and did not grudge him for it. On the contrary, they ended up getting married!
The 21-Year-Old Who Wouldn't See an R-Rated Movie Because His Mom Said No
Going to a movie is a pretty common first-date idea - although it can be awkward to sit in silence for an entire movie with someone you just met. Regardless, this couple went out on a first date when they were both 21 years old. She picked the movie, and when they arrived, he found out that it was rated R. Once he found out, the only thing he could think to do was call his mom.
He called his mom to ask if he had permission to watch the R-rated movie; she said no, so they both went home, ending a very awkward first date in record time.
Her Date Brought His Parents Unannounced
First dates run the risk of being extremely awkward. You never know what to say, and it is a lot to meet over dinner and talk constantly. However, it is a whole lot more awkward when your date brings his parents along with him. And no, this is not a date between little kids; this is a date between 25-year-old adults. Who could think it was a good idea to bring along their parents - especially unannounced?
The worst part is that the mom asked the girl if she was going to eat all of her food and promptly took out tin foil to wrap up the food and take it home.
You Should've Dropped the Dead Body off First, Dude
Dating a funeral director probably comes with its fair share of challenges, just in everyday life. It is a very heavy topic that might make it hard to maintain positivity in the day-to-day. Although this is not technically a first date story, it is a story from early on in the dating timeline. This woman got in the car with her date, who was a funeral director, and he casually mentioned that he had a body in the back of the car.
Although this is definitely less concerning than if some random person were to say this to you, it is still a bit unnerving and strange to do.
That Awkward Moment When Your Date and Your Waiter Were on a Date Together Last Night
This story almost sounds like it is too crazy to be true. Two people were sitting at dinner for a first date when suddenly the waiter looked at the man confusedly and asked, "When did you stop being gay? We had a date last night." Sadly, you don't get much more of the story than that, so there is no way to know how it went from there.
It seems like this is a prank someone would play on their ex to get back at them. Because who would be stupid enough to show up at the place of work of someone they dated?
Disclaimer: It Is Not Pee
Many people get very nervous on a first date. You never know how you are going to act or behave, and you can even surprise yourself in certain situations. This person was pulling into the driveway of the woman he was about to go on a date with when he spilled soda on his crotch. He got out of the car, and his first words when she opened the door were, "it's not pee."
Just saying that it is not pee is not quite enough in this circumstance. It may be alright that it's not pee, but what else could it be? He should have said he spilled soda.
Bad Humor Is a Red Flag
Pranks are a risky thing to do on any date and can even be a risky thing to do with someone who is in a long-term relationship. However, it is particularly shocking when the prank is done on a first date. This woman was on a date when the guy asked her to smell his food because he thought it might be bad. This was already strange enough, but his next action was even worse.
He then proceeded to push her face into the food, thinking it was a funny, practical joke. It's hard to imagine how infuriating that would be for the woman and how any man could think that this was a good idea.
Well, at Least This One Worked Out
Not everyone is always looking for the same thing when they go on a date with someone. Sometimes they are just looking for some companionship as they go about their everyday lives, just someone to go to a movie with or go out to dinner with. This man was brutally honest with this woman at the end of their date, and he told her that he only went out as he "didn't have anything else to do."
Somehow the woman wasn't really offended (maybe that was why she went on the date as well), and they lived happily ever after. Maybe they both got married too because they had nothing better to do.
Interesting First Date Idea, Sir
It's already bad enough to start off a date with one person saying that they have no money at all and asking to borrow $10 to buy themselves a drink at a convenience store. To then go into the store and also buy a scratch-off is a whole other thing. But then, asking his date to use his winnings to go to a strip club and expect her to come took things to an extreme level.
Obviously, this woman was not about to go to a strip club on her first date with this man. He could go enjoy spending the $60 at the strip club by himself.
A Casual Date With Her and Her 10 Friends
It seems like this woman did not quite know how to plan her dates or her life very well. This man showed up to a date with her only to find 10 of her friends there as well, and none of them knew that he was even coming. Not to mention that she was totally blacked out and drunk and even introduced him with the wrong name to all of her friends.
She also shamelessly told them all that she mixed up the names of her dates, and that was the name of the man she was going out with tomorrow.
The Government Won't Have a Second Date to Listen in on
You would probably be pretty surprised if you showed up to a date with someone and found that their entire phone was taped up. Did it just suffer a very bad fall? Did they not want to buy a phone case? None of these answers seemed to be the case for this woman's date. She asked why the phone was completely covered in tape, and his response was, "because the government is always listening."
The funniest part about this is that he thought that the tape would even do anything to help prevent the government from hearing what he was saying; after all, it was just tape.
Well, Then - We Imagine There Was an Awkward Silence After That
This man showed up to date with a very pretty woman and expected her to just be a pretty face. We guess he thought she was beautiful but not smart - which makes us wonder why he even wanted to date her. Anyway, he was shocked when she started talking about science, religion, and humanity. He was so shocked that he even had the audacity to say it to her face.
He told her that he did not expect her to be intelligent. In what world did he think that this was an acceptable thing to say? Who would respond positively to that?
He Was Set up With a Girl's Grandma
There is nothing like a classic old catfish. When you "meet" people online, it is pretty common and easy to do. How difficult is it to find a few pictures of people and upload them to a site? Well, this woman decided to catfish herself in order to get a date for her grandmother. She even told the man to meet at her grandmother's house for the date and then just left the two of them together.
This seems like a bit of a strange concept for trying to set someone up on a date. You should probably gauge interest a bit before setting someone up with your grandma.
Just a Little Trip to the ER
There is nothing like ending up in the ER on a first date. Everything can be going well; you are vibing and enjoying your time together, and then all of a sudden, everything takes a turn for the worst. This lady stubbed her toe as she walked into the bar and realized that her shoe was filling with blood. When the bleeding didn't stop, they ended up going to spend the next few hours in the ER.
Somehow she still ended up going on a second date with this man who spent eight hours with her in the ER as she got ten stitches on her newly broken toe.
"This Isn't My Car"
There is no shortage of embarrassing things that you can do on a first date, but getting into the wrong car is pretty high on the list. This woman wanted to show that she was an independent woman by getting into the car before he could open the door for her. Instead of showing that she was independent, she showed that she was slightly reckless as she tried to get into the wrong car.
The worst part is that that car was open as well. What is the likelihood of that? You would think that most people would leave their cars locked unless there was someone in the driver's seat.
Okay but Why Is This One Kind of Cute?!
There is nothing worse than walking into a restaurant and suddenly realizing that you forget what your date looks like. Granted, you probably only met them very briefly before this, so you can't be expected to remember too much; however, to have to go from table to table looking for the man is also pretty bad. It must have been pretty funny to watch as this man waited at the table for her.
He waited a few minutes before he waved her down. He was probably confused as well in the beginning that she did not come up to him right away.
As Long as You Got the Check, We Wouldn't Mind This One
Sushi can be a confusing thing to order. Not everyone understands the concept of it, and it can be hard to get the hang of eating it. This person went on a first date to a sushi place and thought that thirteen rolls would be a sufficient amount to order. The only thing that they didn't realize is that a roll did not mean an individual piece but the entire portion.
The fact that neither the date nor the waiters chose to stop this person from making this silly mistake is also a little strange. They had to have realized that they did not fully understand.
Just Her Dad Creeping From Behind
Imagine yourself on a first date with someone. You go into your movie and sit down, thinking everything is going well. All of a sudden, you notice that your date keeps turning around to look at the person behind her - excessively. You don't understand why until the end of the evening when you ask and find out that the person she was staring at the entire time was her dad, who also was watching the movie.
Do you think that her dad was intentionally trying to chaperone the date, or was it just some strange coincidence that they happened to go to the same movie at the same time?
He Thought He Was Meeting the Family... Turned Out He Was the Family
You have seen it far too often in romantic comedies. Two people start dating, and they are really hitting it off. And then, all of a sudden, they somehow figure out that they are actually related. It seems like it could never happen in real life, but here is a story where it did. They stopped at a family BBQ on the way to their date and somehow found out that they were actually cousins.
This seems like it is treading on some fine moral ground. They are technically just third cousins, but they are also related in some way, which makes it very creepy to continue dating.
You Know It Was a Weird Night When You Ended up at Your Date's Ex-Wife's Place
Tinder dates seem to rank at the top of crazy first-date stories. This person met a guy from tinder and went out on a date with him. They drank a little bit too much and somehow ended up at his ex-wife's house. They sat there and chatted as she helped to pick out a wedding dress for the ex-wife's upcoming marriage to another man. Talk about a crazy story.
They must have been pretty drunk in order to get themselves in that situation in the first place. It's a pretty crazy thing to happen at any time, but even more so on a first date.
Alright, Hint Taken
Some people do not like the concept of kissing on a first date. They see it as forward or rude. But then again, sometimes it is hard for them to avoid it as the awkward end of the date approaches. This woman decided to do everything in her power to avoid that kiss and proceeded to cover her pizza slice in garlic powder to make sure that there would be no kissing going on.
She probably did not need to say that to him and tell him exactly what her plans were. Just seeing that much garlic goes on the pizza was probably enough.
Always Double Check Who You're Texting
There is nothing worse than texting the wrong person. Well, it can be worse than simply sending the wrong text, especially in a situation like this. These two had just gone out on a date when the man's friend texted to ask how it was going. He responded that he regretted asking the woman out. Only, he didn't respond to his friend as he thought but rather sent it to his date.
Understandably the car was awkwardly silent for the rest of the drive home. What is there even to say at that point? The awkwardness is just too much to bear.
This One's Gotta Hurt (literally)
Ok, this one possibly just takes the cake. You don't really need any of the backstory or context for the rest of the date. It could have been the best date in the world, but it ended (or maybe even started) with this man hitting her with his car. There is almost no way to recover from that under any circumstance. You can only hope that she was not very injured in the process.
This man made it quite clear that as a result of him hitting her with his car, there was definitely no chance of a second date, and rightfully so.
Could've Played It off as a Magic Trick... Never Mind, Still Weird
No one wants to appear fidgety and uncomfortable on a first date, but sometimes it just cannot be avoided, especially when you feel something in your sweater. You try to remove it as gracefully as possible, but you are forced to reach up into your sleeve and get rid of it. You end up pulling out a pair of underwear that belongs to your mother. We're happy he then started doing his own laundry.
There is nothing you can even really do at that point except just accept that the date was a fail, try to understand how the panties got there, and move on.
Thank Goodness for Smartphones
In this modern age, it's hard to imagine what dating was like before the cell phone. It's crazy to think that people had to just remember addresses and times, and there was no way to verify if the other person was actually going to show up to the date beforehand. This man experienced the no cell phone struggles firsthand when he appeared at the wrong house and was welcomed in by an elderly couple who helped him look for her name and address in the phone book.
Todd doesn't actually write what happened in the end with this date. Did he ever find the woman? Did they ever actually go on a date? Or did he just become friends with this elderly couple?
A Gassy First Date
Most people try to hide their bodily functions until at least a few weeks into dating. Most couples don't discuss their burping, flatulence, or bathroom schedules on the first date. However, this woman was just put on a new medication that caused her to burp and pass gas throughout the entire first date. Somehow the man was not alarmed in the least bit, and the date went extremely well, and even resulted in them getting married eventually!
You have to give this woman some credit for even going out on a date in the first place when she knew this was the state of her digestive and gas systems.
"That's When I Knew He Was the One"
There is probably not a person on earth who would be super thrilled about seeing an onion come out of the nose of their date the first time they meet. It is certainly not the most romantic thing that could happen. However, Maureen did not hold it against her date after he choked on an omelet. She then watched as he blew a piece of onion out of his nose in the process.
It looks like that was not enough to stop the love and the romance. They ended up getting married, maybe even having a bit of an onion-themed ceremony.
Was It a Joke or a Nervous Breakdown?
Nerves can very often get the best of you when you go out on a first date. No matter how much you want to stay calm, cool, and collected, there are times when you just don't seem to have control over your body or your words. You might start sweating uncontrollably, or you could say very stupid things. This woman seemed to take the cake with his silly comments on his first date.
When her date complimented her, saying that she smelled good, her response was, "thanks, I use both of my nostrils." Although she wasn't trying to make a joke, the only hope at that point was to pull it off as a joke.
When Your Date Double-Booked You
There is a difference between being productive and not wasting time and just making your life unnecessarily complicated. How busy do you have to be to try to have two dates at the exact same time, in the same restaurant, with two different ladies? You had to know that there was no way you could pull that off, no matter how many unexplained trips to the bathroom you tried to take.
His behavior was quite suspicious, but luckily the waiter gave him away. It must have been a pretty strange sight to see a person trying to be in two places at once.
You Go, Girl!
There are countless ways that a person can totally mess up a first date. They can be nervous and say silly things or spill all over themselves. But when someone is just downright rude from the first moment that you meet, there is really no excuse for it. This man's first sentence to his date was, "I thought you'd be thinner." Without even trying pleasantries, this woman gave him exactly what he deserved.
She just picked up his drink and poured it into his lap with one biting sentence as a comeback "I thought you'd be smarter." The best part is that she did not even attack his looks but his basic intelligence.
What Are the Odds?
Blind dates are always risky business. You are trusting friends to know you well enough to pick out someone for you to date. It could end up being a beautiful love story, and it could end up being a horror story. This one was simply a funny coincidence. This woman arrived at the date a bit sad about an expensive traffic ticket she had received earlier in the day. Little did she know that her date was with the cop that gave her the ticket.
Can you imagine the look on her face when she saw the same cop at the meetup place for the date and then even more so when she found out that it was her date?
That's Not a Blind Date, That's a Stranger Date
Here is part two on the risks of blind dates. In case you were ever considering going on one. This man was waiting for a woman to show up to their blind date. Eventually, a woman came and sat down at the table with him for a meal. She did not say a single word throughout the entire meal and then just got up and left with no explanation at all.
Right as she left, he saw a message from the actual woman saying that she was not able to make it, So it looked like he had dinner with a completely (strange) stranger.
What's Worse Than Getting Left at the Altar? Getting Left at Taco Bell
It is already shocking enough that someone would choose to take another person on a first date to Taco Bell. It is not the most romantic date option, but then again, some people are on a budget, so it is the only choice. However, there is definitely no need to leave someone at Taco Bell after the date. You don't have to drive someone all the way home, but you also don't have to leave them there alone.
You can at least guarantee that there was not a second date for this man afterward. At least you can only hope not, as he did not deserve it.
Maybe It Was One of Those Nervous Giggles?
Ok, so although this one might come across as a very awkward and naive thing to do, it's actually not all that bad. Very few people want to be asked if they can be kissed, as it definitely ruins the romantic moment. However, some people probably wouldn't mind. There are plenty of pushy people when it comes to dating, and it is nicer for it to be safe than sorry.
In this case, the woman laughed at the man after he asked if he could go in for a kiss. Maybe it was really obvious that she was also interested.
Always Wipe Your Mouth After Consuming Ranch
This is perhaps the grossest first date story that is on the list. First kisses are risky business; you want everything to be just right and for the moment to be romantic and lovely. However, it looks like not everyone has the same mindset. This girl went in for the first kiss while she had a mouthful of ranch dressing; that could not appeal to anyone, no matter how attracted they were to one another.
You can only hope that she was drunk and would be ashamed or embarrassed by her actions afterward. There are few people who would be ok with a mouth full of ranch dressing for a kiss, especially a first kiss.
At Least He Was Consistent
Can you imagine getting so drunk before a date that you can hardly function? This man went out on a date with a woman and went to the bathroom for a bit. When he came back out, he forgot entirely that he was on a date and went up to the woman that he was out with, hitting her with all of the pickup lines. At least he was consistent with his taste!
It could almost be more of a funny story than a horror story. After all, he is clearly very attracted to this woman, even when he is totally drunk.
Not the Way to Kiss a Human
Although kissing your pet is a very normal thing to do, it is not normal to assume that you would kiss a human the same way that you would kiss a dog. This woman was on a date with a man when he went in for a kiss at the end of it. However, it was not just a normal kiss. He went in for a "puppy trumpet" kiss that consisted of blowing into her mouth and nose.
Who in their right mind would ever think that this is a normal thing to do? Especially on a first date or in the beginning stages of dating?
At Least He Helped Her Find Her Calling
It's not every day that you have a date with a woman who is considering becoming a nun. However, this man went on a date with a woman in college who was seriously considering it, something that she made quite clear to him. The date clearly did not go as he had planned as she confessed that now she was ready to take this next step to become a nun after meeting him.
Maybe he was just very supportive of her choices. It doesn't necessarily mean that he was crazy or terrible and pushed her to nunhood.
The Parallel Parking Fail
Parallel parking is a very stressful endeavor. There are so many eyes on you, and if you try too many times, you feel like a fool. Imagine all the normal stress of parallel parking combined with the stress of your date waiting for you and watching you. This man tried to park three times and was unsuccessful in all of his attempts. After the third try, he just pulled out and drove away, never to return.
He couldn't face her after the embarrassment of this failure. Instead, he chose to just leave her there awkwardly.
Ever Been Tricked Into Going on a Date? She Has
This is the exact reason that you should never have a surprise date for someone. You should always tell them what you are planning and where you are going. This woman didn't even know that she was about to go on a date with someone. She thought it was just a meetup with a bunch of friends to go to a Vikings game. So she came bedecked in a jersey and face paint.
Worse than the shock of the fact that this was a date was that it was a date at a 5-star candlelit restaurant.